


An As-salt to the Senses

by blueshine



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fighting for love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Protectiveness, Rated M for language and some adult content, but nobody does anything it's just a lot of joking around about it, the proposal just kind of happened when i wrote this so i rolled with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 18:33:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16023575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueshine/pseuds/blueshine
Summary: Taako runs out of spell slots. Kravitz steps in.A prompt on tumblr that just kept going.





	An As-salt to the Senses

**Author's Note:**

> from a tumblr question I got from an anon: "Thought: Krav and Taako are on one of their many post story vacays and since they're actually quite relaxed, Taako has been burning spell slots like it's nothing. As a result, when the two get hassled by some baddies, he's defenseless for like the first time ever except for some shitty cantrips. This is how Taako gets to see Kravitz in full, pissed off, bard-turned-reaper mode for the second time ever and it's both hot and a little intimidating."

So, here’s the  _thing._ Taako? Not the type of guy to save his spell slots.

That would make him a  _Jenkins,_ and who wants to be a Jenkins? No sir, no thank you. Taako's the type of guy to throw crab monsters via levitation at the Jenkins of the world. He's not about to save his spell slots like they're precious gems. Also? He's level _who the fuck cares_ after the apocalypse is all said and done, he's got spell slots _for days._   Which means he gets to take advantage of all the _hella_ cool wizard powers twenty-four seven. Levitating groceries into his house. Riding a magical binicorn to work every day. Using all manner of divination spells to magically telegraph dick pics into his boyfriend's brain at work (he hadn't had to do that in a while--photographs and texting were brought over pretty shortly after he saved the world and opened communication between their plane and the plane of Thought).

It's not like he runs out of spell slots every day. He keeps a couple close to him just in case he gets the drop on him. But that doesn't make him a Jenkins. It just makes him smart. The only time he runs his spell slots dry is when he's on vacation, because he knows impressive magical feats get Kravitz (you know, his boyfriend of ten years, the one he's thinking about putting a ring on one of these days?)  hot under the collar, and _of course_ he's going to utilize that to its full potential on holidays.

They try to take a vacation once a year. They wrangle catsitters and clear out each other's schedules for a week and a half. The Raven Queen more than allows it. She loves that Kravitz has a social life now. Says his work is better now that he has something to fight for other than faith. This year, they're wandering all around, finding interesting geographical areas. It's mostly an excuse to walk and have a good chat, something he actually enjoys with the guy. Crazy, right?

Kravitz deposits the two of them smack dab in the middle of a salt flat for a picnic. He's been teasing at a _surprise_ for a week and a half now, holding Taako's hand just a bit tighter every day. If he was going to spring some kind of surprise on Taako, he better do it here. Because, this place? Beautiful. Outstanding. Breathtaking. The ground reflects the sky, and it's like walking on a big ass mirror. Or a huge gemstone. They're both suddenly reminded that it's been ten years since they confessed their love on a giant sapphire and saved the world, and Taako uses a spell slot to levitate the two of them while they're kissing, and it's just. So good.

He's very liberal with his spell slots today.

'Cause who's going to attack them in the middle of nowhere like this? Who even knows about this place? Taako sure didn't. Kravitz just whisked them both away with his goddess magic and for all Taako knew (or cared about) this was the (real) moon. So he uses magic to uncork the wine he brought, and he uses magic to make shapes in the salt, and he _definitely_ uses a spell slot or two to hop on Garyl with his man and ride off into the horizon.

And then they saw _a dragon._

A dragon _made of bones and brimstone._

He's out of spell slots when this giant fuck-off dragon comes along and ruins the oh-so perfect picnic spot with his hot-ass arm candy. Said arm candy presses two palms to his face, heaving out a groan. _Of course_ work followed him _here._ He grumbles about plans and surprises, kicks the salt at his feet like a child coming off of a tantrum. Taako's not so sure why he's this miffed, but, whatever. Dude always had a bit of a temper.

His attention was more on the dragon for now.

It hits him, as he watches the animated mass of bones and fire, that he _miiiight_ have just used his last spell slot to conjure up that prismatic light show that reflected a moving scene from Paul Blart 3 into the salt flats.

And. Here's the thing. Taako's not _defenseless,_ that would be silly. He's an arcane engineer and one hell of an improviser, he can get him and his boyfriend out of this mess with his god-awful cantrips and a little bit of elbow grease, right? He's not a huge fan of hard work, but he'd rather do heavy lifting than _dying,_ so. Elbow grease it is.

So he steps forward, places a hand on Kravitz' shoulder and tells him to step back. Kravitz excitedly steps behind him, ready for a show. The whole foundation of their relationship is built on the fact that Taako bails Kravitz out when he's in trouble. That's how they _met._ He knows Kravitz thinks it's hot, he's taking advantage of that whenever he can. Taako has saved Kravitz' nice ass plenty of times, seen the stars in his eyes after executing a well channeled spell, reaped the _many benefits_ of showing off his power in front of his easily impressed man. It's peacocking, he knows, except a hell of a lot less creepy since he's not a pickup artist and only doing it for his boyfriend's benefit.

Also, the way Kravitz relaxes and shoots him a smile as he watches Taako prepare his first spell takes away any concern Taako would have about looking like an asshole.

But, as he goes over the list of cantrips he knows in his head, and looks at the vast amount of _nothing_ surrounding him, no environment to manipulate with his shitty spells, Taako realizes he's in over his head. He could try blasting Ray of Frost at it a bunch of times, but even though cantrips didn't expend any slots, he could still get exhausted using them over and over again.

It takes one hit from the dragon for Taako to finally understand the impossibility of the situation.

It also takes one hit from the dragon for Kravitz to launch himself out of the spectator seat and into the action. This time, he's the one to place a hand on Taako, the one to tell him to step backwards with a cocky wink and an overconfident smile. That dragon took about half of Taako's hit points away in one swipe, so, _yeah,_ he's gonna step back, _thank you very much._

Kravitz walks towards the dragon, sputtering insults up to its face. The dragon reels back with each one, and Taako remembers: _right, he was a bard._ Vicious mockery. He's got about twenty different insults for this motherfucker and all of them are hand-tailored to the dragon like a fine suit. Kravitz is making these up on the fly.

The closer he gets, the more magic Taako can see around him. Magic distorts reality in a way that is visible to people who have a good enough hold on it. Kravitz is bends the air around him and sends it flying in all directions, catching the dragon off guard and sending a gale of wind into Taako. Blown away metaphorically and physically. Nice.

And then he gets out his _scythe,_ and Taako can't even process a nice dick joke to go along with that before he starts carving into this dragon. He knocks bones off the structure in wide arcs. Taako would notice that the bones kept magically reforming onto the dragon if he wasn't so _enthralled_ by the performance. Kravitz wasn't in his formal wear, just a nice tunic he put on for vacations like these, so there weren't many layers in the way of giving Taako _a show._ His work uniform never showed his arms exposed, and _fuck,_ seeing him work like that _did things_ to Taako. That image would be appearing in his dreams and a few fantasies for months. It didn't look like Kravitz was winning, but he offered enough cocky jabs and overdramatic slices that Taako didn't care.

But, eventually, even Kravitz could tell he was beat. He dispelled his scythe and looked at the salt flats around him, taking a moment to think. Taako rose to the balls of his feet, worried. He didn't _have_ a moment to think, he needed to end this or call for help.

Kravitz' body disappeared in a puff of black smoke, replaced by a softball-sized ball of white light. His soul. It pulsated in the air for a few moments before lowering down into the salt flats.

The rumbling beneath Taako's feet made him grin from ear to ear.

The salt on the ground moved upwards in a mass that looked vaguely humanoid. Just as big as the dragon. Bigger, even. Taako has about a split second to admire the majesty of it all before it swings down on the dragon in one swift motion. The dragon and his boyfriend the salt monster duke it out for an amount of time that feels too fast and too slow at the same time. Taako could watch this forever. Sure, he's usually the one doing the protecting out of the two of them. He's the wizard that saved the world. But, _damn,_ is it nice to get the same treatment every once in a while.

It takes a bit, but Kravitz manages to get the dragon's soul isolated. The bones fall to the ground and disintegrate into thin air. The sand shifts itself back into place and Kravitz' soul jumps out of it. He turns into a skeleton (also hot) and takes the dragon's soul in his hands.

Kravitz turns around and shouts off in Taako's direction. "Is it okay if I go put this back real quick, babe?"

Taako grabs for the basket. "Yeah, I'll set us up!"

"Don't open the basket!" Kravitz stomps his foot into the sand and shrieks. "It's a surprise!"

Taako rolls his eyes and sits his ass down in the salt. Realizes it's probably a good thing Kravitz had to cut out and leave for a minute. He really enjoyed watching the show. Probably too much? Taako was about _this close_ to having to readjust his pants, 'cause that whole scene? That whole situation? The hottest his boyfriend's ever been, probably. Nice that hadn't faded away after ten years of dating the guy.

He thinks about it. Ten years. Eleven, if you count the chunk of time they dated _before_ the apocalypse. They've been living together for nine of those years. Taako's been thinking about marriage for seven of those years, but just hasn't--there wasn't a good time to say it. Words are hard for him, okay? Cut him some slack.

Kravitz comes back, throwing Taako out of his thoughts, puts all his skin back on with his vacation wear. Taako launches himself onto the dude, 'cause, _again,_ that was nice. Hot. A little intimidating? But in a hot way. Damn.

Taako says all that to Kravitz and he laughs, nuzzles his nose into Taako's hair. How can this asshole afford to be so cute when he just spent the better part of an hour taking down a fucking dragon?

"Now you know why I like watching you do it." He takes Taako's face in his hands and watches him with a look so sweet that it should be banned by the Fantasy FDA for too much sugar content.

And. Okay. Listen. _Listen._ Taako might have had to hold himself back from pinning Kravitz up against the salt a couple seconds ago, but this? The way Kravitz is looking at him? The landscape around them? Fuck it. He's ready to stop _thinking_ about marrying Kravitz and actually do the damn thing. He can't _not_ marry him at this point.

Kravitz coughs, hands still on Taako's face. "Hey, I--"

"Let's get married."

His boyfriend (hopefully fiancé, in a couple seconds, if Taako didn't royally screw this up) sputters out a barrage of laughter, both arms hugging Taako tight. Taako would be offended if he didn't recognize this as Kravitz' fond laugh, but you spend ten years with a guy and you instantly know the difference between a malicious laugh and a loving one. It's that recognition that forces Taako to do the same, giggling and tackling him in a hug, bringing him up close.

"I can't believe you beat me to it," Kravitz says, eyes sparkling.

Taako sticks out his tongue teasingly. "Is that what you took me here for?"

"Yes." Kravitz kisses him. "There's a ring in the basket."

"We can get to that in a minute." Taako straightens his back, pins his shoulders behind him, and frowns. "You," he says, pointing an accusing finger at Kravitz, "did not answer my question."

"I thought it was obvious."

"I want to hear it."

"I would love to marry you," he says, and it fills Taako's heart so full it feels like it should burst. "If you'll have me."

"If I'll _have you?"_ Taako snorts and blows a raspberry into Kravitz' cheek. "Babe, you just--fuckin--that was the hottest thing I've ever seen. You--cocky motherfucker, just--going at that dragon. As a salt man."

"It really should have seen that coming." Kravitz gestures around the flats. "Go to a place like this and you're guaranteed to be _as-salt-ed."_

"Engagement redacted," Taako says, unable to hide his smile, "stop that."

Kravitz grins and leans in closer. "If you dislike them so much, you can somer _salt_ away."

"Dumb! Horrible! Not even relevant!" Taako laughs harder than he'd thought was possible, and then the hit from the dragon echoes in his torso. He starts coughing, and Kravitz fusses over him, hands gently roving over his abdomen, fingers finding the sharp marks from the dragon's claws.

"...Do you need to go regain your health?"

"Uh, probably." He hangs onto Kravitz' shoulders for support. "Just, uh, a little woozy."

"We'll finish this picnic later. We need to get you home." Kravitz picks up the basket and summons his scythe. "I wouldn't want to _rub salt in the wound."_

Taako _does_ kick him in the shin for that one. "God, I can't believe I'm _engaged_ to you."

"You asked for it," he says, and takes them home.

**Author's Note:**

> did i need to turn this into a marriage proposal fic? no. did i do it anyway because i'm a sappy bastard? yes.


End file.
